Resources I Love: Married Man Sex Life

Marriage is at its heart a sexual relationship. Without the sex it’s just a legal friendship, which is to say a needlessly complicated way of having a friend. The basic agreement of being married is to meet each others sexual needs and not to run about getting them met anywhere else.

-Athol  Kay

I wanted to kick off my list of recommended resources with a personal favourite: Athol Kay’s weblog Married Man Sex Life and his book The Married Man Sex Life Primer (currently the 2011) edition.

Athol Kay was my doorway into coming to an understanding of Game: the art of seduction as it has arisen from a small online community that applied scientific method and various disciplines like NLP, socio-dynamics, psychology, and basic biology to perfect it. The Married Man Sex Life approach is radically different from most Game websites: it is devoted to using game ethically, and to use it to enrich the sex lives of married people, rather than focusing on teaching men how wrack up notches on their bedposts.

Athol brings powerful authenticity, care, and a strong sense of humanist ethics to his work. When dealing with such a powerfully sensitive subject he is quick to put you at ease, make you feel understood, and listens to problems openly.

His views on marriage are a refreshing change of pace for the current age: he starts with the premise that marriage is a sexual relationship, as well as a legal/political partnership. That love and sexual attraction both are important to the health of a marriage, and he gives you advice on how to build both. Along the way of following his Marriage Action Plan for a better marriage, you find yourself becoming a better human being, too.

Cover for The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
MMSL Primer 2011 Cover

His new book, the Married Man Sex Life Primer, is the first of what will be an annually updated textbook on how to build the best possible marriage based on his experiences in writing the blog, coaching others in saving their marriages, and maintaining his own passionate marriage through both the better and the worse.

I can’t emphasize enough how valuable this book can be. In an age where the definition of marriage is shifting incredibly fast, and no one seems to be quite sure how to be a husband or a wife, Married Man Sex distils marriage into a straightforward and well-reasoned series of propositions:

“Do you want to stay in love? Do you want to avoid that messy divorce with all the indignities that follow? Do you want sex as often as you can handle it? Do you wanted to be respected as a husband and father? Then this is what you do…”

And trust me men, the women are reading too… and taking notes.

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