You Are Worthy

Smiling Stone Buddha
Smiling Stone Buddha, by Helena

One thing that has struck me over and over again as I see which Google searches and articles lead men to my website is how many men are struggling to see themselves as good and worthy.  They are looking to understand why their wives are cruel to them, resolve a father-son divide, or how to let go of the bullying they have experienced in the past.  Or they are trying to understand that Men are Nurturers, too.

It seems to me that a lot of men out there are looking very hard to see what is good about being a Man in a time where all the focus on masculinity is a focus on the dark and dangerous side of the masculine.

If there is one message I would love to send to all the men who visit my blog, it is this:  You are Worthy.

  • You are worthy of being loved.
  • You are worthy of being seen for the good you can do.
  • You are worthy of being appreciated for the kind of nurture you give.
  • You are worthy of being in a relationship where you are treated with compassion and respect.
  • You are worthy of being seen as a human being, not just a utility.
  • You are worthy of being treated as a being with feelings that can be hurt.
  • You are worthy of being free to choose and having your choices respected.
  • You are worthy of living without shame for the accidents of your birth.
  • You are worthy of being judged by your actions and the content of your character, not the identity people pin upon you.
  • You are worthy of hearing what is good and noble about your gender, not just hearing it heaped with disrespect.

You are worthy.

Let go of shame and the feeling of being unwanted, start seeking to live the life you want to.  One in which you respect yourself and both expect and act in a way that inspires it from others.  Where you see your happiness as being as important as that of the people around you.

2 thoughts on “You Are Worthy

  1. Brian, how does this fit in with the rather wolfpack meme you read some places? Things like unless you are 100% on top of your game the whole time your wife will not respond (or will look to replace you), that if your feeling are hurt you can’t show it because that show of “weakness” will trigger lots of negative responses or the world of work classic thatyou’re as good as your last failure?

    1. The short answer is that it doesn’t.

      I do believe that men have to be on top of their game to be at their most attractive. I do believe that there are consequences for showing weakness to the wrong people, and that men need other men – friends and mentors to help them resolve their problems.

      But I also believe that we have to let ourselves be human. That no one is perfect, and that if we demand perfection of ourselves, we will only be miserable. Sometimes it is alright to show a little weakness. Sometimes it is alright to need a little help and compassion. Sometimes it is alright to be less than 100%. We occasionally need to let things slip.

      The trick is to understand that you will be happier and healthier by making wise choices. You will have a better relationship with your wife if you strive to be attractive to her. You will be happier if you push yourself to have peak experiences and push yourself to be on top of your game. You will have better emotional support if you surround yourself with fellow men of good character who you can trust to help you work out your problems. You will be better off if you learn to seek solutions to your problems rather than seeking someone to commiserate with you.

      Most of the Game / Wolf Pack thinkers’ ideas have merit, but they lack compromise. It is why I am drifting away from Game – because they don’t value the men they are helping as human beings – they demand perfection rather than trying to guide their readers towards a healthier and more fulfilling choices. For that matter,many of them mistake getting laid for being happy or healthy.

      No advice for men is valuable or sustainable if it doesn’t begin first by telling a man that he deserves happiness, and he deserves compassion and dignity. Men who strive to be the “Alpha Male” and hold their old selves or others in disdain for being “Beta Males” have missed the point – that the best way to help men is to show them how they can be happier by embracing the leader that is already within them, not forcing them to fit into the old of some other man. That only makes a man who talks tough but feels insecure and lives with constant pressure to perform.

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